A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining and wants it back the minute it begins to rain.

- Mark Twain (attributed)

OCTOBER: This is one of the peculiarly dangerous months to speculate in stocks in. The others are July, January, September, April, November, May, March, June, December, August, and February.

- Mark Twain, Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar

Probably why my kids never read twain in school.

He's a perennial favorite with the censors. As we speak his books are banned in libraries all over the US, and this statement never seems to go out of date!