Is it OK I call you Talos?  My brain is malfunctioning right now so I am going to ask you lots of little questions as I read your fascinating report.

Do you have sex on Talos? And if so, is it not the biggest strongest Dudes that get the babes with the biggest bumps? Do you have any pictures of Mrs Talosian? And what is child birth like on your planet?  Men on Earth have this curious atribute (well I certainly do) I like gals with slim hips - but this can cause great problems during child birth - because we also like our babies to have big heads and big brains.

I was also wondering what techniques you used to date planet Earth.  I have always viewed the way that we dated our planet as being somewhat flawed - and was wondering if you would like to comment on our planetary age dating techniques.

How old are you, and how do you know?

Hey dude I'm sorry, just read the next paragraph.  You must be totally miserable, no Mrs Talosian.  Have you ever tried one of our Earth Girls? I could get you fixed up - there's this guy round here called the CEO - he knows some nice chicks.  You look as though you could use a blonde, self sufficient farming girl.
To the First Talosian,

Cry Wolf believes that the biological consumption of ethanol is to be preferred over using it as a renewable transportation fuel.  Therefore, he may post without fully engaging his frontal cortex.  The biological use of ethanol has that effect on our species.

Best Hopes for Mutual Understanding (of that second purpose)

Alan