The Oil Drum | DrumBeat: August 7, 2006

317 comments on DrumBeat: August 7, 2006

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Leanan on August 7, 2006 - 9:29am

AP has this story, which is related to our previous discussions of Robert Putnam's work:

Isolated Americans trying to connect

In bleak nursing homes and vibrant college dorms, in crowded cities and spread-out suburbs, Americans confront an ailment with no single cause or cure.
Some call it social isolation or disconnectedness. Often, it's just plain loneliness.
An age-old ailment, to be sure, and yet by various measures -- census figures on one-person households, a new study documenting Americans' shrinking circle of intimate friends -- it is worsening.

Among the causes: ever longer commutes, and the Internet, which gives people the illusion of intimacy. You may have 1,000 "friends" on Facebook, but if you're arrested for DWI at 3am, will any of them go to the ATM for $200 and come bail you out?

I was particularly surprised to learn that many college students are spending all their time in their rooms, chatting online with their high school friends rather than meeting people in person. I really enjoyed the campus social life when I was in college. I'm an introvert, but in college, it was easy to make friends. Hundreds of kids torn away from their old connections, eager to make new ones. Not any more, I guess.

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shawnott on August 7, 2006 - 9:47am

I was sitting at a coffee shop over the weekend and two young women walked by. They were both talking to someone else on their cell phones. I've seen this alot, where two people would rather talk to someone else on the phone rather than the person they are with. No wonder people are lonely.

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Jack Greene on August 7, 2006 - 10:05am

shawnott,

Our local radio host went to lunch two weeks ago at Big Sky Cafe and a dad and son sat down next to him. The son was listening to tunes on his ipod, all plugged in so to speak, and the two did not have a conversation with each other through the entire lunch.

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ET on August 7, 2006 - 12:03pm

Q. How do you know when a modern teen-age girl has had an orgasm?

A. The sound of her cellphone hitting the floor.

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griztown on August 7, 2006 - 3:21pm

That's hilarious!

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westexas on August 7, 2006 - 9:59am

A few months ago, I think that the WSJ ran an article on this topic, especially focused on suburban bedroom communties. After working and commuting all day long, people were just out of time and too tired to spend time on social networking in their communities.

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Dragonfly41 on August 7, 2006 - 10:33am

And then there are your own kids and relatives to deal with...very little time for friends these days.

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jim burke on August 7, 2006 - 12:03pm

I live in an old mining town; guys would work hard in the stopes and shafts all day, have family at home, and still had time to support a lot of bars and churches.

But then, back then there was no TV, internet, or stereo systems.

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alan on August 7, 2006 - 12:01pm

Sure sign the housing bubble is bursting

Flip That House
Coming on Thursday, July 14, at 9:30 p.m.!
House flipping -- buying and renovating a house to sell for profit -- is currently the hottest trend spreading through the real estate industry. A "flip" occurs when an individual purchases a home, remodels the home in a short period of time (anywhere from 3 weeks to 4 months) and then re-sells the home for a profit.
Flip That House is a new series for Discovery Home that dives into this very craze. Each episode is a fun, fast half hour that will document the entire flipping process of one house.

http://home.discovery.com/tuneins/flipthathouse/flipthathouse.html

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JMG on August 7, 2006 - 12:48pm

A perspective on flipping:

Flipping real estate by John T. Reed

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fleam on August 7, 2006 - 3:27pm

John T. Reed is one of the few real RE gurus. Yeah, he uses that term too lol! His page is worth reading, every word, ever review, everything. His newsletter is pennies compared to buying a house, and probably well worth getting too - I read the sample copy and it's up to date on reality not RE agent propaganda.

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fallout on August 7, 2006 - 1:07pm

What's really funny is that show premiered last year.
My how things have changed since then in the housing market.

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Mad Maxout on August 7, 2006 - 10:12pm

A few months ago, I came close to buying a condo in the suburbs. Why I decided against it was a lack of bars in walking distance. Bars are my mode of choice for being at all social, sub-optimal as it is. But it's better than nothing.

And that's the problem. The suburbs are about like a lunar colony where the homes serve as habitats and the cars as the spacecraft. You can't walk anywhere in the suburbs any more than you can walk on the moon without a spacesuit. That's becuse everything in the asphalt desert is too bloody far away. I lived briefly in the suburbs before what seemed to be a mass extinction of bars. Now, it would be some lonely stuff out there.

Why the mass extinction of bars? The automobile is a good suspect. With DUI being dangerous, and fiercer crackdowns to get these morons off the road, people gave up on going to the local bar. So, they close up.

It's little wonder the coffee shop cropped up. But people are too busy to socialise there thanks to laptops. Also, if you're already an insomniac, a coffee shop is a poor choice anyways even without laptop proliferation.

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fleam on August 8, 2006 - 1:25am

Maxout this is where you really need to read Kunstler on the evolution of US housing, the house with no garage at all unless it was the house of wealthy ppl then it had a carriage house in back. When cars evolved and started to displace people at the dominent US life-form, you first had houses with a garage in back, small and almost out of sight, to a larger garage about the same distance from the curb as the house, to today's "snout house" with the garage right out in front, and the front door almost an afterthought - which after all an entrance for people would be. The people only seem to exist to support the cars.

I wish I could find this..... in the 70s they had a 2nd version of The Mickey Mouse Club show on TV, with some neat re-runs of some of the funkiest Disney cartoons, one was about cars, and was from a sort of "space alien visiting Earth" perspective, it was eerie, the space alien's conclusion was that cars were the dominent life form and humans seemed to be a sort of parasite on the cars.....

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Leanan on August 8, 2006 - 8:52am

I hate the garage in front of the house design. It's ugly, IMO.

However, there is a reason for it. The garage is put between the house and the street in order to shelter the living space from street noise.

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fallout on August 8, 2006 - 10:09am

Unfortunately, what it proclaims to the world is that "Cars Live Here!"
The actual human-occupied portion appears increasingly secondary, little more than an add on in the back. An architectural nightmare.
The importance of the automobile in US culture cannot be overstated.

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odograph on August 8, 2006 - 10:35am

Well, in detached housing the alternatives are garages in front, or alleys in back. I think in general I like alleys less ...

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Leanan on August 8, 2006 - 10:51am

And garages are often huge today. Three, four, six bays and more. Craziness. I know people who have two-car garages at the front of the thouse, and build another two or three bay garage in back.

Personally, I'm fond of the "breezeway." A little screened or windowed porch that connects the garage to the house. You can sit out there in summer, and put the beer there to keep cold in winter. :)

My parents' garage is in back of the house, connected to the kitchen. But I think that's partly because of the association rules of the subdivision they live in. You cannot leave your garage door open if it can be seen from the street. So people turn the garage sideways and put it in the backyard.

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Dryki on August 8, 2006 - 10:11pm

Chris Alexander in "A Pattern Language" makes a strong case about doorways, transitions and entrances. No, the garage is there first and foremost because that is how people come into their home. It IS the front door. It's not there to block noise from the street. I'm one of those Mainers with a garage too useful to park a car in - in other words it's full of trash and treasure. My ex lives in one of those developments where cars have to sleep in the garage. That's her front door, an oil-stained concrete slab. I have to walk outside past the roses, peony and herbs. Sometimes in the rain.

My bike, OTOH, lives in the house, in the front entryway. Hers is hanging up with flat tires in the garage.

cfm

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Magnus Redin on August 9, 2006 - 3:45am

I thought the front door were the one intended for visitors. Seems lonely to have your garage as the front door.

Its quite common that a door closer to the kitchen is the most used door even if it isent the front door.

Cultural difference?

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Magnus Redin on August 8, 2006 - 6:50am

Is not Starbucs etc an example of exactly the kind of trend needed to create more social meeting places? Even if people are bringing their lapatop "TV" with them, its a lot better then staying at home. Btw, I realy should take my laptop to a coffe shop. ;-)

And I prefer insomnia before alcoholism any day even if both are realy bad for your driving.

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Glenn on August 7, 2006 - 11:12am

My single piece of Peak Oil advice to other people, because not everyone has money or usefull skills, is to stay connected to people - friends/relatives/neighbors/work colleagues, nuture all of your personal relationships, get involved in your local community, etc. But really invest your time in people, not things.

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SkyWick on August 7, 2006 - 12:23pm

I'll second that.
Most important thing. Even for hermits like myself.

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Berkeley on August 7, 2006 - 12:29pm

Biologically, the motive to socialize is the motive to try and move up, or at least not fall behind, in the social hierarchy. (i.e. dogs socialize, cats don't.) But in our enormous highly-mobile and ever-expanding industrial cosmopolis the people you actually meet almost never have anything to do with your success or failure - as opposed to tribal times. Be as rude as you want and the supermarket ATM still takes your card, Medicare still approves you, the AAA truck comes when you call, and the same score comes back on the SAT. I think people are catching on to this after several generations lag from cooperative farm-economy ethos, and cutting down on wasted effort. It's rational. Change the economy first, and friendship will come back.

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AlanfromBigEasy on August 7, 2006 - 1:20pm

Perhaps the greatest attraction of New Orleans to me, a recent immigrant (only 14 years here) is the inter-personal relationships. More attractive than our Best in the World food :-)), great music, outstanding architecture or walkable + streetcar "Old Urbanism".

It is one of the few US cities (are there others ?) where being a "good guy" is randomly but consistently rewarded. Free Jazz Fest tickets last two years, people recognize me and compliment me and ask if there is anything they can do to help.

The volunteers from outside (God Bless Them) are consistently amazed at how easy it is to talk to strangers (my guess, 10% to 15% move here, mentioning that you are a volunteer gets all sorts of extras in our disaster zone).

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TwoCents on August 7, 2006 - 2:34pm

My only other post here, a month or so ago, spoke to the possible benefits of peak oil. Part of that was how it would force us to reconnect with people and our communities. I have been making a concerted effort to talk to people, go to local farmers markets, ride the local light rail, etc.

Have been also making my old 5500 generator run, stocking up on water, fuel and non-perishables. drive an '83 BMW that get 31 mpg. Am also attending a local zoning hearing tomorrow and urging for more infill/density (less Suburbia) Just little things but trying to be ready.

I'm not a cornucopioan or a doomer, just an average person looking at a harsh reality and wanting to make the best of it.

Connecting with other people may be the hardest but most rewarding aspect of this process. I have noticed the more I try to say hello or strike up conversations the easier and more frequent it becomes. People do seem ready to re-connect.

We are undoubtedly facing some tough times ahead, but it will have some benefits. I am urging my daughters to study/work toward energy related fields.

Good luck all!

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fleam on August 7, 2006 - 3:32pm

Two Cents that's a great 2c. Yes, oil use has allowed a very unnatural culture, one that's colonizing the whole earth, to arise. Lack of cheap energy is the only thing that can kill it.

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prole on August 7, 2006 - 11:26am

I'll use myself as an example to support the case.

I now live in a new city, working at a new company for the last year. In that time, I have been invited by only one individual to a social function.

Further, as a single, middle-aged, divorced man with no children, I find that there is no social network in which I fit. Too old for the younger single crowd; too different for the middle-aged family crowd: too young for the geriatric crowd. Translation: social outcast.

Additionally, in the 12 years since my divorce, I have yet to meet a suitable woman to date. When I lived in Dallas, all the woman commented that I did not meet their standards because of low job status or low income. In other words, I did not rate.

As a consequence of the above, I spend my free time ambling around my apartment and reading theoildrum instead of engaging with people. It seems that people can't be bothered anymore.

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step back on August 7, 2006 - 11:56am

In the fairy tale of "Cinderella", only the alpha male prince gets the "inner beauty" princess.

Many a young girl are taught to hold out until their prince in a shining castle shows up. Some grow up and figure out it was another lie-of-the-elites.

If you give up and mope in your apartment, then the outcome is guaranteed. If you go out to some PO or other conferences you might meet somebody of like mind. Don't give up. All you got to do is meet one, even if there are a lot of toad princesses along the journey. Good luck mate ... and God speed.

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optimist on August 7, 2006 - 12:13pm

You won't meet any by staying in your apartment. There are lots of eligible women out there looking for an intelligent, decent man. But you have to go find them! You can't meet Ms. Right by staying at home -unless she is the pizza delivery person!

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Leanan on August 7, 2006 - 12:32pm

Volunteer for a cause you believe in. Political, charitable, whatever. IME, there tend to be more women than men who volunteer, so the odds will be in your favor.

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Don Sailorman on August 7, 2006 - 1:01pm

Ditto.

Also, take community education classes--great way to meet people and learn new skills.

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fallout on August 7, 2006 - 1:11pm

Good suggestions. Also, you could branch out by trying something new/outgoing that you always wanted to, but just never had the motivation or time to do so until now. Go boating, camping, hiking, biking, martial arts, or even bowling. Happiness comes from within, personal satisfaction and inner harmony, not from without, the approval or adoration of others.

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SkyWick on August 7, 2006 - 12:39pm

Try going to dance a class. Personally I love five rhythms, because as my partner says 'I have my own sense of rhythm' and it doesn't matter there.

Religion is great at this, and one of the biggest things we have lost in realising its evil side. But times are a changing. Some are very accepting of atheists. Assuming you don't already have a faith, try a Buddhist group (particularly Zen) or the Society of Friends. If you look at it from an evolutionarily point of view, we evolved religion to bring us together, to unite us. You don't have to abandon your beliefs to utilise the parts of our wet-ware that were made for this purpose.

Alternatively get involved in some kind of sustainable group building straw bale houses or such like. That will get you involved in just the right kind of people.

Fitness things are great as well. you don't even need to be supper fit, just making some effort.

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Liz on August 7, 2006 - 12:51pm

There is a huge middle-aged single crowd, or if "crowd" is not the right word, a lot of middle-aged singles. And a lot of women more interested in a man's character than his bank account.

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squeeze64 on August 7, 2006 - 1:01pm

I don't know what the long future holds here in the US, or there, but I am moving at the end of September to Lima, Peru. For sure, Peru has its problems, and civilization there despite far lower per capita energy use seems to me to be ultimately no more sustainable than here.

But the sort of social isolation described in this thread that I can also relate to is much less rampant. Places like Peru and Colombia are also dating nirvanas for a decent single north-american or european guy who speaks a little Spanish. Nothing I know of compares to the friendliness and passion of a true (unamericanized) latina woman!

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conrad on August 7, 2006 - 6:42pm

Read and see "The Lonely Guy". Won't solve any problems but will make you laugh.

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conrad on August 7, 2006 - 6:56pm

Two more ideas: Pick a fight with Kevembuangga. Should keep you busy for a couple of months. Pretend to be a teenage girl on My Space. Hey! Maybe you are a teenage girl pretending to be middleaged divorced guy!

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step back on August 7, 2006 - 9:25pm

Not funny. Prole emptied his heart to us. He needs our support, not jokes. Although I kid about the "herd mentality" often here, the need for human company is a strong biological one. Almost no one can be happy all alone. Hang in there prole. The PO community is rooting for you. Don't limit yourself to PO. Explore. Try a bit of everything. Go where no single /divorced guy has gone before. It's kind of like exploring for oil. If you don't sound out the territory and drop a couple of test bores, you'll never know. So force yourself out of that apartment on Wednesday nights and hit the single scenes. Bring us back good news. Well no, keep it private. But you know that we mean you well. Best of luck.

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Prof. Goose on August 7, 2006 - 9:27pm

Indeed, well said sb.

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Dragonfly41 on August 7, 2006 - 9:31pm

When I was single, the grocery store, library, and laundry mat were great places to strike up conversations with eligible young ladies. They were cheap places to try to get to know someone and doubled with getting something else done if socializing failed.

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wehappyfew on August 7, 2006 - 9:48pm

Good advice there, prole.

Go to the places you often visit, like the grocery store, with the object of being friendly and pleasant to any attractive female you encounter. Of course she will turn out to be married (all the good ones are already married). Be friendly anyway because the married ones have unmarried or newly single friends. There's no better way to a woman's heart than through the good graces of her closest friends.

You don't have to be overwhelmingly suave and smooth, just pleasant.

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Dragonfly41 on August 7, 2006 - 10:54pm

And remember this, you usually find what you are looking for when you are not looking for it....in other words...sometimes let fate happen and don't push it.

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Don Sailorman on August 7, 2006 - 10:58pm

Libraries are especially good, because you can hang out for hours each day without spending money. Nonmaterialistic and interesting people tend to spend a lot of time in libraries.

And never forget the bumper sticker:

"Librarians do it by the book."

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Leanan on August 8, 2006 - 8:57am

Some groceries stores actually have "singles nights."

Personally, I've had a lot of guys hit on me at the Barnes & Noble superstore. It's kind of an interesting way to meet people, because you can tell a lot about them by what section of the bookstore they're lurking in. You meet a lot of guys in the science fiction section. They may be dressed in Star Trek costumes and speaking Klingon, though. ;-)

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Dragonfly41 on August 8, 2006 - 9:40am

Ha....ya...stay away from the SciFi section I think. Borders and Barnes & Noble are kinda the modern day chic library experience. Plus you can get a coffee, sit down and read, and gaze at people over your book or magazine.

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Leanan on August 8, 2006 - 12:31pm

Yes, if you meet someone interesting, you can have a cup of coffee with them right away. :)

I have not had much luck at libraries (aside from my college library). Public libraries, IME, tend to discourage socializing. It makes noise, y'know.

And an awful lot of the people I have met in public libraries have been genuine, card-carrying nutburgers. There was the guy who used to hold up his pencil and talk to it like it was a person. The guy who came to the library to read their newspapers and would get so worked up he'd start swearing and spitting on the articles. (Kinda discouraged anyone else from reading the papers.) The guy who had Vietnam flashbacks whenever someone of Asian descent came in. The man who seemed like a friendly, intelligent, normal guy, until he asked me if I'd seen any CIA agents (they were following him, you know).

And best of all, the handsome young man who followed me around in the library with his hand in his pants, jerking off. I complained to the police, and they said as long as he kept it in his pants, it wasn't illegal. They also said this type of guy wasn't dangerous, so I shouldn't worry. Two weeks later, he raped and sodomized a 14-year-old girl in a laundromat.

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Dragonfly41 on August 8, 2006 - 2:30pm

Oh my...that's not a great story.

When I referred to libraries, it was in my college days, and yes, college libraries are a different animals than public libraries.

So the morale of the story is "stay away from Leanan's library and laundromat.

The book store route (Borders, Barnes & Noble) is probably the best idea if you are not at a university.

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EngineerAU on August 8, 2006 - 5:04pm

Many public libraries have become defacto homeless shelters. There was an article in the local paper a year or so ago about suburban public libraries struggling to cope with the increase in homeless patrons. They would find them in the bathroom using the sink to wash their socks and many of them would stake out part of the library and get in shouting matches if another homeless person came into "their territory".

At the main downtown branch of our library, they're better equiped to deal with homeless and as a result, they are better behaved. But walking around you can tell who is there for the air conditioning and security of an indoor space. Barnes & Nobles can ask anyone they don't want there to leave whereas the public library has to pretty much wait for the person to do something that will involve the police.

There is a rule in our library against putting your head down on the tables, so you'll often see people sleeping sitting up with a book in their hands.

As a culture, rather than trying to deal with the problem, our solution has been to abandon public libraries in favor of private bookstores (normally of the corporate chain variety). It reminds me a lot of how the problems of the inner city were "solved" by moving the middle and upper classes to the suburbs/exurbs.

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Dragonfly41 on August 8, 2006 - 11:03pm

This is quite true and I agree with you about what public libraries have become and the state of our country that homeless must find a library for sanctuary.

I do not shun our local public libraries even if there are a few people that are a bit unkept in there. I would not look for someone to date there, however, which was the topic of discussion.

There are still some great kids reading and craft programs at our public libraries and make for a cheap entertaining day trip in the summertime.

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oldhippie on August 7, 2006 - 11:37pm

Buy a good suit. Take it to a good tailor.
Wear a carnation in that buittonhole in the lapel. As you walk down the street everyone will smile. People will come up and talk to you. They will think you are fascinating, a real character. If you can't keep up your side of the conversation they will think it's their fault.
You will get a date. Since you have a flower in your buttonhole you are absolutely obligated to bring the young lady a bouquet. She will accept it and then accept everything else.

Very seriously, doing something outward and visible that denotes a high level of self-regard and self-confidence - wearing a carnation - will transform the way everyome you meet behaves towards you and will lift your spirits. As the ladies see how well-treated and well received you are they will gravitate towards you

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Clive on August 7, 2006 - 1:03pm

There is much truth to this article. I moved to L.A. almost a year ago and have found that making friends is much more difficult that I expected. The responsibility is shared, however, as I have been a bit more prickly than I should be. I have a theory that our recent distrust of others is partially derived from the constant steam of advertising that is pumped into us. I would venture to say that at least one quarter of what we hear or read today is some form of advertisement, and as a result, we as a society has placed rather strict filters on what we actually listen to and believe in. Much like how newspeak shaped the thoughts of the proles in 1984, ads have caused us to become much more callous and less willing to believe.

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griztown on August 7, 2006 - 3:35pm

I think are a lot of bad excuses for why people are so isolated. Though I admire your honesty that some of the responsibility is shared. I live in LA and have far too many friends so the problem isn't LA.

IMHO, if you want to meet people turn off the TV and leave the house. You'd be amazed. Churches are an excellent place to meet people and, as mentioned above, there are numerous different faiths in LA. I'm surprised there isn't a Peak Oil church here yet!

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fleam on August 7, 2006 - 3:43pm

I lived in L.A. for about a year, and found it it be friendly enough, it's been around longer and thus has more "soul" than most McSuburbs.

I know another middle-aged loser er grown up single person like me, he plays the guitar and plays around downtown, not for tips but just for fun, it's a safety valve from his soul-killing military industrial complex job and he has a whole network of friends.

Hanging out in community places like the independent coffee shop, the funky downtown if you have one (if not, better move) and getting into something you really like, from sailing to rockhounding, should result in a good crop of real friends after the required number of years. Things where you need friends like sailing, hiking, rockhounding, etc may be especially good since it's kind of known at any time you may really need each other for help while out on the water, our in the desert, etc.

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Mad Maxout on August 7, 2006 - 10:30pm

What would be the symbol of the Church of Peak Oil? A gas gauge on the E? Or an oil derrick? Our "messiah" would have to be M King Hubbert, not to be confused with that wack job L Ron Hubbard.

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fleam on August 7, 2006 - 3:20pm

Leanan, the answer is No. In fact, our society is competitive and class-ridden to the extent that strangers will generally help you more than friends. Strangers don't know your money or status situation often (unless you're a filthy desperate homeless person, in which case I'm sure no one will help you) and for all they know you could be a bit higher status than you are. Hence, call up a "friend" or three for a ride because your car's broken down, and they'll happily laugh at you, but stick your thumb out and soon a stranger will give you a lift. I've regularly seen strangers give people far more help then I've ever seen friends give, in many ways.

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Mad Maxout on August 7, 2006 - 10:41pm

I can attest that coworkers are not exactly helpful. Working in building maintenance, I often have a task that would otherwise need someone to be helpful - were it not for how I end up finding a way to do the task myself, often with the helpfulness of a forklift. Having to ask multiple coworkers for a few minutes of helpfulness has taken its toll. I gave up on it then found ways to do things solo.

A case in point. We have a variety of battery-electric vehicles in the building and all too often people use a vehicle until it dies. Now, it must be pushed with the helpful person to steer - or I bring a fresh battery on a cart and a "jumper cable", attach the cart and vehicle to pull it, and the cable. The result is that the vehicle is like the old locomotive with tender car and I drive it to the room with the battery chargers, and charge it. With the jumper cable, the forklift can carry its external battery back! It takes less time to do it this way than to find someone to help!

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Leanan on August 8, 2006 - 9:08am

I have to say, my coworkers are helpful and cooperative. If people are sick and can't work, we donate our vacation days, cash, diapers, etc. They've driven me to the auto repair place when my car was broken. They do free surveys and inspections for coworkers who are buying homes (it's an office full of engineers and surveyors).

We have on occasion been too helpful. For example, the time someone stole the soda vending machine. Several of my coworkers helped the thief load it onto his truck, not realizing he was a thief and not from the vending company.

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fleam on August 7, 2006 - 3:24pm

Leanan Oh, also, the number of hours worked, plus the number of hours commuting, maintaining our larger living quarters, etc. have grown exponentially over the last 30 years. We're paying people to mow our lawns instead of the neighborhood being out mowing on a Saturday or Sunday, then getting together over some lemonade later while the kids play together. Hell, I remember when I was about 5, we flew kites in the street! Honest! It was my Dad who started it, we all had those kites you put together, and my Dad got on going up so far, it took about 3 strings tied together. Yes the tails were made of old tied up sheets. This was in the street, right in front of our house, and I suppose a car or two came by, but not today's frantic Soccer Mom zooming through at 40MPH at everyone's peril.

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